Dating Scams: How to Protect Yourself
I've worked with three therapy clients who lost money to romance scams. One lost $40,000 to someone she'd never met in person. She was an MBA-educated marketing director. These aren't people who were careless or gullible -- they were targeted by professionals who do this for a living.
The FTC reported $1.3 billion lost to romance scams in 2022 in the US alone. The emotional damage is often worse than the financial loss. Understanding how these scams work is the best protection you have.
The Anatomy of a Romance Scam
They follow a remarkably consistent script:
Phase 1: The Profile. Stolen photos of attractive professionals. Military personnel, doctors, engineers working overseas -- occupations that explain both trustworthiness and inability to meet.
Phase 2: Love Bombing. Within days, they flood you with attention and declarations of deep feeling. They remember every detail you share. They message constantly. This phase can last weeks or months.
Phase 3: The Crisis. Once emotional attachment is established, a financial emergency appears. Medical crisis, legal trouble, travel costs. Requests start small and escalate.
Phase 4: Escalation. If you send money, new crises follow. If you resist, emotional pressure intensifies -- sometimes including threats of self-harm.
Red Flags That Should Never Be Ignored
They won't video call. No legitimate romantic interest in 2026 refuses video calling after weeks of conversation. There is no excuse.
They declare love before meeting. Genuine romantic feelings require time and in-person interaction. Someone professing love after text-only contact is following a script.
They can't meet. Military deployment, overseas work, medical issues -- the excuse changes, but the pattern is constant. Real people find ways to meet.
Money enters the conversation. Any request, for any reason, from someone you've never met in person? Almost certainly a scam. Gift cards, crypto, wire transfers -- all of it.
Photos seem too perfect. Run a reverse image search. If the same photos appear under different names, you have your answer.
Other Scam Types
Crypto pitches: Someone steering romantic conversation toward "investment opportunities" is running a pig-butchering scam.
Sextortion: Encourages intimate photos, then threatens distribution. Never share explicit content with someone you haven't met.
Verification scams: External links to "verify yourself" harvest credit card info. Real apps verify internally.
If You Think You're Being Scammed
Stop all communication. Don't send more money. Report the profile. File with the FTC (reportfraud.ftc.gov) and the FBI's IC3. And please, seek emotional support -- professional scammers are psychologically sophisticated. Being targeted says nothing about your intelligence.
The vast majority of people on dating apps are genuine. But awareness of these patterns reduces your already-low risk to nearly zero.